Got a note in the letterbox this morning telling me I had a parcel waiting at the post office. It turned out to be my reprint copies of Wolfblade and Lord of the Shadows both of which have just gone for yet another reprint in Australia.

What made my trip to the post office memorable, however, wasn't the reprints, the flies, the heat or even the length of the line outside the parcel hatch (30 people, in case you're wondering, which is like... 0.01 of the population of Alice Springs. Imagine a line that was 0.01 of the population of Sydney!)

Anyway, as I was saying, turns out the worst thing about waiting in line to collect my parcel was the tag hanging out of the back of the t-shirt of the woman standing in front of me.

Dear God, you have no idea what it took for me not to reach forward and tuck that frelling tag in. I waited for a good fifteen minutes (while the post office staff searced for a lost parcel for someone at the front of the line) chewing my knuckles, reciting the alphabet backwards, practicing transcendental meditation... anything to distract me from that tiny little bit of white cloth announcing this woman's t-shirt was Size XXL and should not be tumble-dried (yes, I was close enough to read it).

When that didn't work I tried the "see how this will go in my head" method of deterrence. You know, the one where you imagine tucking the tag in, the woman turning around to confront this pervert trying to touch her up in line, which is when you discover she's the matriarch of the local Hell's Angels chapter... that sort of thing.

What is it about things like that? It was just a silly tag. But it took every ounce of self control I own to leave it alone.

I swear, it was easier to quit smoking!

I think Firstborn is right. I am a psycho:)

I'm bored. I'm not allowed on the keyboard for anymore than a few minutes at a time. Daytime TV sucks, even with cable. I have too much time on my hands and no constructive outlet for my wild imagination. No villages to destroy, political shennanigans to plot or immortal battles to wage...

I'm pretty sure my head will soon explode.

Behold, the inevitable and frightening result not being able to write for a few days...

Top 10 Reasons Not to Microwave the Cat

1. It’s messy
2. You’ll probably get arrested
3. It’ll undoubtedly void your warranty
4. Fur is really hard to get out of those filters on the roof of the oven
5. Despite popular belief, cat really isn’t the other, other white meat
6. Unless you tranquilize it first, your cat is likely express his displeasure at being stuffed in a microwave oven by opening a running wound from your eyebrow to your navel, as you’re shoving him inside
7. Pussy might get dizzy on the turntable (actually this one is hilarious and will probably appear on my Top 10 Reasons You Should Microwave The Cat list)
8. It’s really hard to find a good red that goes with Tabby
9. It can be awkward explaining to the kids why Mr Tickles isn’t coming home anymore
10. It just wrong… I mean everyone knows you steam small furry animals…

One more day of enforced banishment from the keyboard, so I'll give you the winners of the Australian Aurealis Awards for 2006.

Congratulations to all the winners. You rock:)

Science Fiction

Novel

K-Machines. Damien Broderick (Avalon)

Short story

The Seventh Letter. Sean Williams (Bulletin Summer Reading Edition

Fantasy

Novel

Wildwood Dancing. Juliet Marillier (Pan Macmillan)

Short story

A Fine Magic. Margo Lanagan (Eidolon 1)

Horror

Novel (tie)

The Pilo Family Circus. Will Elliott (ABC Books)

Prismatic. Edwina Grey (Lothian)

Short Story

Dead of Winter. Stephen Dedman (Weird Tales)

Young Adult

Novel

Monster Blood Tattoo. DM Cornish (Omnibus)

Short Story

The Arrival. Shaun Tan (Lothian)

Childrens'

Novel

Melissa, Queen of Evil. Mardi McConnochie (Pan Macmillan)

Short story (tie)

The True Story of Mary Who Wanted to Stand on Her Head. Jane Godwin (Allen & Unwin)

Woolvs in the Sitee. Margaret Wild, Anne Spudvilas (Penguin)

Golden Aurealis

Novel

The Pilo Family Circus. Will Elliott (ABC Books)

Short Story

The Arrival. Shaun Tan (Lothian)

Did you know that South Africa's apartheid regime reportedly banned Anna Sewell's Black Beauty? Why... because the horse was black? Geez, those people had some seriosuly messed up issues, man....

Or that in March 1996 a US high school took Shakespeare's Twelfth Night off the curriculum after the school board passed a "prohibition of alternative lifestyle instruction" act because it includes a young woman who disguises herself as a boy?

Came across this website recently, which lists some books that have been banned in the past, and the reasons for them. The list is gobsmaking and ranges from the sublime ( like Lady Chatterly's Lover), to the ridiculous (Red Riding Hood? Are you kidding me?).

'Cause I'm not supposed to be typing anything at the moment, I'll leave you with the link and let you peruse this fascinating list for yourselves.

In the meantime, I shall rest my sore shoulder while pondering various ways to get my work banned somehwere, because nothing helps the sales of a book like it getting banned:)

I've pulled a muscle in my shoulder and I'm not suppsed to be on the computer for the next three days (yeah, right... like that's gonna happen..).

Anyway, in an attempt to pay at least lip service to my doctor's orders, I'm going to cheat (i.e. cut and paste) and repeat some advice I posted on another board recently in answer to a question about developing a storyline.

My advice is this:

Before you start writing, know how your story is going to end.

All books are a journey. Think about the point you want to start. Why that day, and not the day before or the day after? The book should start with the catalyst that starts your main character's journey (be it an "actual" journey or merely one of self-discovery) and you need to know the destination.

If you don't know where your story is going, that's when you fizzle out half way through because you can't figure out where the story is going next. If you have a destination in mind, however (by the end of my book Fred will be able to walk... will have killed the monster... will have saved the world... whatever) then at least you know what direction the story is going and you don't end up getting lost.

The story should take you from point A to point B. The plot is all the stuff that happens along the way.