Got an Ask Jenny question the other day which I found thoroughly entertaining, not to mention more than a little disturbing.

I suspect this question is because of my blog entry a couple of years ago (and presumably the list FW is referring to) -Acceptable ways to kill people in fiction.

Apparently I have become the Dear Auntie of serial killers. Cool:)

I am writing a book, well actually, two books about two separate serial killers. One of the killers is very personal, like if you smoke, and that’s one of your vices, he will burn you all over with cigarettes, or if you talk too much, cut off your lips, etc, etc. The other killer is very impersonal. He’s the kind to set up a device, put you in it, and let the device kill you, like in Kay Hooper’s book "Hunting Fear" where he has a guillotine that is timed, or a chair with two blades held up close to the neck not quite touching so when the victim finally can hold up his head no more, he slits his own throat, or my personal favorite where he put a girl in a tank underwater and water slowly dripped in until she drowned…

Anyways, now that I’ve been rambling, I was hoping, as I have run out of ideas, you could suggest some more ways to kill people, particularly of the impersonal sort, because I was looking at your list online and found that most of those wouldn’t quite fit in my stories.

Much appreciated.

Fellow Writer

My answer, Fellow Writer, first up, is to watch the movie Se7en, which explores a very similar methodolgy dealing with vices and the 7 deadly sins. And you must watch Dexter. He's the best serial killer around at the moment. psychotic and loveable. Wish I'd thought him up.

Failing that, how many other ways can I think to kill people?  Hmmmm....

1. Have them try to cash a cheque in a bank. If they don't die of starvation and dehydration waiting to get served, they might turn crazy and kill everyone else in the bank with their sharpened ATM card when they finally get to the window, are next in line, and the teller puts up the "Out to Lunch - Next Teller Please" sign.
2. Make them watch endless repeats of Big Brother. I'd eat my own spleen before I got through the second episode, let alone repeats.
3. Have them try to pay a $20 parking fine at the Alice Springs Town Council. By the time they've been sent away from the front counter becasue the staf couldn't process the fine, spoken to about 14 different people on the phone, only to get told they should have paid it at the front counter of the council offices and the fine was now doubled because it was due a couple of days ago (when they were in there trying to pay it), they will be ready to dismember every living soul within reach by gnawing their limbs off. Trust me on this. I speak from experience:

Why write a book using other people's ideas? Weird.

Still, Jenny, I love your suggestions. I have another one: try ringing any government dept to ask a question about a hurt possum, and keep getting shunted on and on and on... No one wanted to know. In the end, I rang a privately-owned animal sanctury and they had someone there with in the hour.

It was a bit like trying to pay that fine.

Sadly, the little laddie did die. He was weakened by malnutrition (mum had obviously died or kicked him out), and he was then hit by a car.

Hey - there's another idea for that writer!

Whatever happened to serial killers just KILLING people? Now everybody has to have a gimmick. Sure, "The Gunshot Killer" doesn't have as nice a ring to it as "The Zodiac" or "The Government Agency Waiting Line Bandit", but it gets the job done.

That being said, I vote for making them watch The Hottie and the Nottie. Fill the theater with rope, knives, razor blades, carbon monoxide, and a hamster.

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