I'm bored. I'm not allowed on the keyboard for anymore than a few minutes at a time. Daytime TV sucks, even with cable. I have too much time on my hands and no constructive outlet for my wild imagination. No villages to destroy, political shennanigans to plot or immortal battles to wage...

I'm pretty sure my head will soon explode.

Behold, the inevitable and frightening result not being able to write for a few days...

Top 10 Reasons Not to Microwave the Cat

1. It’s messy
2. You’ll probably get arrested
3. It’ll undoubtedly void your warranty
4. Fur is really hard to get out of those filters on the roof of the oven
5. Despite popular belief, cat really isn’t the other, other white meat
6. Unless you tranquilize it first, your cat is likely express his displeasure at being stuffed in a microwave oven by opening a running wound from your eyebrow to your navel, as you’re shoving him inside
7. Pussy might get dizzy on the turntable (actually this one is hilarious and will probably appear on my Top 10 Reasons You Should Microwave The Cat list)
8. It’s really hard to find a good red that goes with Tabby
9. It can be awkward explaining to the kids why Mr Tickles isn’t coming home anymore
10. It just wrong… I mean everyone knows you steam small furry animals…

Dear Ms Fallon,

Unfortunately Ezri the black and white cat says that I'm no longer allowed to work for any author who can conceive of even one reason why you SHOULD microwave a cat.

When I pointed out that Kaylee, her sister, gets dizzy all the time chasing her own tail and that it IS funny she replied that it's not at all the same thing. And besides which, Kaylee is a black cat and very silly, so she apparently shouldn?t be used as a point of reference.

It was fun while it lasted, thanks for the advance looks at the mss.

With best wishes for your future online adventures,
Fiona your ex-Webgoddess
(and Ezri, the REAL power behind Speculate)

PS Meanwhile, Web Minion #2 just did a Happy Dance in the corner that Dudley breaking his code will no longer be our problem.

I have a choice. I can avoid reading your blog until all those ligaments I managed to alternately strain and tear have a chance to heal ... or I can come here and laugh. *snortgiggleowies*

Donna wants to know if you know about furs and filters through close personal experience.

11. Baked in wet cat smell.

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