I saw Snakes on a Plane last night which I had to review for the ABC. Having seen it, I was struck by how completely whacked the whole premise of the film was, based, I fear, on the assumption that “nobody knows anything about snakes” so we’re gonna get away with it.

Why is it people get paid to millions to write, act and or direct movies that are so factually incorrect that they ought be classified as fantasy?

Worse, I write fantasy, and I was even half as careless of the basic laws of nature, I’d never make it off a slush pile.

Why don’t they apply the same rules to movies as they do to books?

Seriously, in this film, they had people sucking the venom out of snake bites (a first aid method they discarded about they same time they started making movies in Technicolor). They had snakes leaping about the plane as if they’d all eaten kryptonite for breakfast and been turned into little supersnakes. One of the pythons even had a row of teeth!!!

Clearly, they'd all been selected because of their pretty colours. Didn't see a single Oxyuranus Microlepidotus (Inland Taipan, in case you're wondering), in the film, the deadliest snake in the world. Why? because it's a boring old brown-green colour.

And why would any self-respecting snake hone in on the sexual organs of its prey if it's hungry, when there are other extremities closer and easier to get to?

I’ll tell you why... because in Hollywood movies minor characters who have sex out of wedlock must die. It's as inevitable as the death that comes with being the unnamed ensign in Star Trek.

I am sure there is a list out there somewhere, which all scriptwriters have access to, entitled Characters Who Must Die Before Act Three.

It will include:

• All pilots if the story is set on a plane
• The fat, ugly, middle-aged woman
• Any character wearing too much make-up
  
• Anybody on their last shift, due to be shipped home, about to retire, who just refused early retirement, or who makes the mistake of showing a photo of the wife/kids/girlfriend around in the first fifteen minutes of the film
• Rude businessmen
• Characters played by actors whose names appear after the title, not before
• Unwed characters engaged in gratuitous sex (preferably while they’re engaged in said gratuitous sex if it’s a horror film)
• And small irritating dogs.

Large, loveable dogs are invulnerable to everything, up to and including a nuclear attack, however, as are cute children, virgins and any actor with his name over the title in the credits.

So, having worked that out, once I’m done writing my text book, I think I’ll become a screen writer.

Piece of cake:)

Hehe....

Sounds about right...

I think youmight have forgotten any member of the bodyguard/army/gang of the bad guy who are sent in to attack the good guy one at a time!

No force on heaven or earth could compel me to see this film. Just the title was enough to make me think it was a spoof of some sort, then I heard that it was meant to be a serious action film. *shudders*

Snakes.
On.
A.
Plane.
Has *huge* internet credability. It's a waste of money. And that's why it is so famous. I think the directors mistakenly thought that the whole "internet fame" of it being horrible (The predictions were true.) was actually good reviews. As I said, huge internet fame. If you went into the theatre with a smile on your face, because you *knew* you would have just wasted a movie ticket if you were going to take this filth seriously. Once more, it's a joke. Laugh at it.

That's my two cents, Emperess and Co.

*shudders* being as snake phobic as I am (even toy snakes can induce the frozen-dead-still-a-million-ants-crawling-over-me sensation) I'm not likely to go see this film. And should it be shown on tv I will be banning watching it in this house *g*

Hey, Jenny...people who read books must be sticklers for details, and people who watch movies mustn't care. I like both...so does that make me both anal retentive and carefree?

And I guess I'd be dead...fat and middle-aged woman...but I'm still fairly attractive...hmmmm...can I apply to be the gratuitous sex object? I pick Johnny Depp or Keanu Reeves for my partner!!! (Okay, so it is only acting...but at least I get to see them up close and nearly naked). It would be worth dying in a bad movie for that. :)

I love disaster movies, and there's got to be a similar set of rules for them. The most obvious one is "There's nothing like a natural disaster to bring a family with divorced parents back together".

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