On the advice of my new Business Manager, I have decided to start a business, namely Minion Recruitment Services Inc.

He tells me I need to increase my income, you see,  in order to afford the house which will allow me to live in the manner to which I so desperately wish to become accustomed. 

As a recruitment agency, I can make lots and lots of money, hiring out minions. I even have the ad prepared for Monster.com.

A career as a minion is a worthwhile occupation that rarely gets the publicity it deserves. Perks include interstate, international and inter-galactic travel (rape and pillaging are usually included) the chance to lord it over lesser beings and nifty uniforms (often featuring lots of leather) are usually provided by the employer.

On the down side, promotion is gained by your superior officer being killed and demotion is usually at least six feet under.

Evil Overlords are equal opportunity employers. Ugly and otherwise deformed beings frequently find a fulfilling career in this field, however outstanding beauty can be an added bonus if you’re planning to advance to the Mistress/Concubine/Love Slave category, which can be a stepping stone for those hoping to advance to the level of Evil Overlord themselves.

The essential selection criteria for this position:

• No discernable morals
• A really evil laugh (this is a skill that can be learned and there are courses available if required)
• A high tolerance for pain
• The ability to suck up to a complete megalomaniac and still keep a straight face

Frequently Asked Questions

I am a beautiful virgin whose brilliant scientist father has been kidnapped by an Evil Overlord so that he will build the ultimate weapon of mass destruction Will I be able to find work in this field in order to free my father?

This is a common question, and we advise that if you do chose a career as a minion, then perhaps you should bring this fact to you future employer’s attention. Evil Overlords are renowned for their generosity in cases like yours and frequently raise people such as yourself to positions of high authority. Good luck with your quest!

I was a weak and scrawny child who was bullied unmercifully at school. Will I be able to find my niche as a minion?

Absolutely! People such as yourself make ideal candidates as minions, and you will have many opportunities to redress these insults during your career.

Further Information

If you have any further questions about this much maligned and misunderstood career, please contact info@iwanttobeaminion.com and we will send you a complete recruitment package.

Please note: due to privacy laws, we will need your permission to do a police check on you. If you are not able to provide this, or do not already have a criminal record, please call our career advisory officer who can advise of the preferred criminal charges that will enhance your application.

I needed that laugh, thanks *g*

Where can I sign up? *evil cackle*

I think I already fit all the criteria for becoming a minion.

No discernable morals - check
An evil laugh - already perfected
High tolerance for pain - definitely (bulging disc for 3 years - what pain?)
Able to suck up to a complete megalomaniac and still keep a straight face - Mum, you are a brilliant and wonderful person who's talents are endless and I live every day in the hope I can bask in your reflected glory.
Yep, got that one covered too. :)

This is great Jenny, I wish there were more feasible employment opportunities is this misbegotten sector!

And here I was hoping you were looking for sycophantic proof reading minions... As for the others, you forgot the category of 'plain looking overachievers who tend to do all your work for you. You just need to push the red button'.

The post was very, very funny...but the Second Born's comments have me laughing helplessly....

I would like to submit my resume, I am currently employed as Chief Minion Evil Plots Division, for a certain Evil Overlady with the initials JF, who will have me put to death ... slowly and extremely painfully... if she gets wind of my defection.
Current Duties are: To stand behind the Supreme Being, whispering sweet nothings in her ear, all the while ensuring that anyone who disrespects me is dealt with accordingly by the Supreme Being, in a manner that leaves my hands un-tainted.